![[Home]](/wiki.gif)
Salvation For Pets - Is Your Pet Saved - What Would Jesus Say To Your PetSalvation For Pets - Is Your Pet Saved - What Would Jesus Say To Your Pet
Subjects > Humor , Subjects > Religion > [Religion Humor]?Create, Subjects > Animals
Exclusive News Story
By Garnet R. Chaney , Staff Correspondent
Kuala Lumpur Bureau
Friday, December 24 2004
* Your Pet Your Health and the Afterlife
As you walked past the religion section in your local bookstore, you might have missed the latest front in the war to save all of creation: Pet Salvation, a Christian startup based in the Muslim country of Malaysia , is quietly distributing pamphlets, books, and videos, to help pet owners make sure that their pets are heaven bound.
Recent releases from Pet Salvation include:
Said Via Dolorosa, speaking of the recently released Soteriology For Snakes course, "Just because the God of universe, in [[3]], cursed the snake above all cattle, and above every beast of the field, and decreed that upon their bellies shalt they go, and dust shalt they eat all the days of their lives, does this mean we should abandon the thousands of Christian herpetologists and their pets to the depths of Hades?" Dolorosa added that snakes have suffered long enough without a clear path to redemption, and that Soteriology means "teaching about salvation". Dolorosa commented, "We used this word in the title because snake owners are already used to strange words like herpetology, herpetoculture, and other strange words."
Dolorosa said that surveys of Judeo-Christian pet owners consistently show that one of the top questions they ask their religious leaders is "Will my pet go to heaven?" or "Will I see my pets in heaven?" Most pastors give flimsy, wishy washy answers to the question, prefering to focus their time on more familiar topics like Substitutionary Atonement, Praeparatio Evangelium, or filling their tephillin and phylacteries with scraps of Scripture.
Parables for Pooches is designed to present the gospel message in a way that is especially believable and engaging to canines. An excerpt from the course:
Dolorosa said that pet owners especially appreciate the tips on how to teach their dogs to snarl at Satan, and to have control while welcoming heavenly visitors into the home. "Dalmations are particularly challenging, since they are such eager recipients of the Gospel. They have to be taught some self control so that they don't get over excited by visits from the Angel of the Lord. Left to their own whims, they tend to get paw marks all over the white heavenly robes of visitors," laughed Dolorosa.
One of Pet Salvation's best selling books has been the Catty-kism book, providing a complete theology for felines. Cats are amazingly receptive to the message of grace. "Being relaxed as cats generally are, they welcome any benefit that comes to them with practically no effort at all. Any feline can show amazing faith when given something worth believing in, and being saved merely by believing, before nodding off for a nap, is quite reassuring to cats." A chapter on "Avoiding Syncretism In Siamese Cats" helps owners of pure bred cats deal with the inbred tendencies to believe that all deities and religions amount to the same thing. "We've been quite successful in helping these beautiful animals come to terms with the genetics they have inherited from Egyptian and Hellenistic times," said Dolorosa.
One of the bigger concerns that pets are believed to have when presented with the Biblical message is over the changes that will occur in their bodies in the new creation. The course A Pet's Guide To Bodily Changes In The New Heavens And Earth is an advanced theology for animals course that attempts to introduce pets to these important ideas. Dolorosa said "Lions are especially incredulous at the idea that they will someday lay down with the lamb. But herbivores in general are reassured by the idea that they won't need to constantly look over their shoulder in the new creation." Dolorosa added, "We're working on a course for sheep owners to share the reassuring good news of the Gospel with their favorite sheep."
The "How To Introduce Jesus To Stray Animals" has been used by a group calling themselves, "Zoo's Without Bars" to bring hope to caged zoo animals. "They've successfully introduced a group of gibbons at Zoo Negara in Malaysia to evangelical Christianity. The Muslim zoo keepers were dismayed when the gibbons started tossing their qu'rans into the lake surrounding the island that they live on. A never before seen prayer meeting by the group of primates attracted international attention that has forced the zookeepers to allow the gibbons their preference in religious reading materials," mentioned Dolorosa.
Introducing Parrots To Glossolalia has been popular with Christians who desire their birds to experience the gift of "speaking in tongues".
Dolorosa also serves on the founding board of the International Veterinarian Salvation Seminary, an interfaith seminary focusing on the needs of cross-species evangelism, is located in the same neighborhood as the International Islamic University, and International Islamic College in Jalan Gombak, Kuala Lumpur Malaysia. "We welcome our Islamic brethren to come and learn how to present Allah to all the creatures in their neighborhoods," said Dolorosa.
Asked if her name has any relation to the theological term Via Dolorosa meaning 'Way or path of suffering', Dolorosa said that according to her retired Orthodox priest father and matruska mother, any resemblance was purely intentional.
Neighbors:
More about salvation of pets:
Search for books about:
|
Interested in Phil Henry Guest Steve Bossell?